5 days past transfer

Tuesday 24th March was a strange day. I went back to work and that was ok, but in the afternoon I started to experience some very odd pains in my womb. They felt like someone was stabbing me with a knitting needle but from inside. I had probably about 6 episodes of this throughout the afternoon. I have never before felt anything like it - unlike period pain or IBS pain, it was much more localised, fleeting and sharp. I also felt really hot and flushed all day and my skin actually felt hot to the touch.

It's hard to dare to begin to think that this could be Grub implanting. Of course, the thought crosses my mind constantly, but you get the fear that you might jinx the whole thing even by entertaining the very possibility. This is the kind of internal conversation I am now having, constantly:

'What's that twinge? Is that Grub implanting?'

' No, maybe it was just a bit of wind, or it could be some side effects from the progesterone pessaries.'

'Yes, you're probably right'

'You can't be pregnant - you're not going to be that lucky and Grub was not even a blastocyst yet'

'How many more days before I can test?'

'At least another week'

'I can't take this any more'

'So test then'

'I'm too scared, I don't want to lose the fantasy of maybe being pregnant if it's negative'.

'What's that twinge?'

I am going slowly mad.